“A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.”

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.

Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.

MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.

Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.

And I’d marry you, Harry. Because it rhymes.

I feel like I’m married to what I do, to the streets. And I feel like when the streets are mad, it’s serious.

I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.

Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.

Can you find a man who loves the occupation that provides him with a livelihood? Professions are like marriages; we end by feeling only their inconveniences.

Marriage: a ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

In everyday life, my wife is the most wonderful. We’re in love with each other beyond belief.