Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
NORM MACDONALDMost men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
NORM MACDONALD






