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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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Advice Bird Deep Funny Patience Worm

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Company Game Myself Thinking Wrong
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Appearance Funny Hairs Stick
I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Food Funny Myself Service Time
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Inspirational Motivational Struggle Way Wrong Yourself
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Forget Myself Right Thinking Time
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Flight Leaving One Liner Yourself
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Mathematics Pronunciation Sound
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Angry Depression Enthusiasm One Liner Perspective Sick
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Bill Country Freedom Funny Phone Talk
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Alphabet Order Song
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Funny Mad Music Myself Night Play
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Bad Conscience Memories
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Call Herself Home Light Myself Phone Woman
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Idiot Ocean Stand Wait

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