My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
SPIKE MILLIGANI thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I told you I was sick.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
God made night, But man made darkness.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
SPIKE MILLIGAN