A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
SPIKE MILLIGANA sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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I told you I was sick.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN