They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
NORM MACDONALDIn estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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I don’t have any ambition.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
NORM MACDONALD