I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
NORM MACDONALDIn estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
NORM MACDONALD -
In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
NORM MACDONALD






