The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHT






