I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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Clones are people two.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHT