If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT