How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHTHow do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHTNo one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHTMy doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
STEVEN WRIGHTThere’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHTI had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHTOn the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHTHalf the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
STEVEN WRIGHTOne time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHTMonday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHTPlan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT