On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHTI wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT