When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHT