Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Clones are people two.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHT






