I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHTI have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Clones are people two.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT