If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHTI have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT