Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTI have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHT






