“Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?”

Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

God made night, But man made darkness.

I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I told you I was sick.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

I’m a hero with coward’s legs.

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.

Fear comes from uncertainty; we can eliminate the fear within us when we know ourselves better.

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Everything that God put in your heart, will come to pass. Write your vision and make it clear for all to see!

Everything that God put in your heart, will come to pass. Write your vision and make it clear for all to see!

Everybody comes from the same source. If you hate another human being, you’re hating part of yourself.

Everybody comes from the same source. If you hate another human being, you’re hating part of yourself.

Everybody comes from the same source. If you hate another human being, you’re hating part of yourself.