My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGANMy father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGANAre you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
SPIKE MILLIGANPolicemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGANChopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGANRender any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
SPIKE MILLIGANMoney can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGANEducation isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
SPIKE MILLIGANAny man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
SPIKE MILLIGANAustralia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
SPIKE MILLIGANTo Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGANBeauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
SPIKE MILLIGANI told you I was sick.
SPIKE MILLIGANContraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGANI told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
SPIKE MILLIGANGod made night, But man made darkness.
SPIKE MILLIGANA sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
SPIKE MILLIGAN