I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGANAre you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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I told you I was sick.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN