I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHTI am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT