“If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?”

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.

I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.

If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.

Clones are people two.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Discipline helps you finish a job, and finishing is what separates excellent work from average work.

Jesus said go and make disciples, but so often we just sit and make excuses.

One thing I know for sure about raising children is that every single day a kid needs discipline. But also every single day a kid needs a break.

Discipline yourself, so no one else has to.

Group discipline produces a unified effort toward a common goal.

It never cost a disciple anything to follow Jesus; to talk about cost when you are in love with anyone is an insult.

The pain of discipline is short, but the glory of the fruition is eternal.

Now I begin to be a disciple. Let fire and cross, flocks of beasts, broken bones, dismemberment come upon me, so long as I attain to Jesus Christ.