Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHT