I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGANAristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






