One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT