Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHTExperience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHTI almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHTThe older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHTIs it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHTTell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHTI went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHTMy friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHTA clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHTYou know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHTI couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHTOne time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT