“Even Napoleon had his Watergate.”

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.

If you don’t set goals, you can’t regret not reaching them.

Nobody can be all smiley all the time, but having a good positive attitude isn’t something to shrug off.

I wish I had an answer to that because I’m tired of answering that question.

Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.

Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.

You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.

If my father was alive to hear that, he’d turn over in his grave.

It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.

You have to give 100 percent in the first half of the game. If that isn’t enough, in the second half, you have to give what’s left.

Ok you guys, pair up in threes!

If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.

50% of all married people are women.

Every entrepreneur deals with fears of failure. However, the truly successful know how to face these fears and keep on working.

Keep trying. Stay humble, Trust your instincts.

I never said most of the things I said. Then again, I might have said ’em, but you never know.

I’ve never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.

Here’s a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.

One time I stayed at a haunted motel. When I checked into my room, there was a sheet on the floor, and I thought it was a ghost that had passed out, so I kicked it.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

An Irishman needs three things : silence, cunnning, and exile.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, “Dude, you have to wait”.

I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, “this is not a library!” “OK! I will talk louder, then!”

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You’ll be mad, but it will be too late.