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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.

W. C. Fields

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time

Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.

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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.

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Popular Authors

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