The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDSSex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS