The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDSSex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS