Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDSSex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS