There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDSI never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS