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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

W. C. Fields

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

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