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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

W. C. Fields

Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

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