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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.

W. C. Fields

Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home

Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.

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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.

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