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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.

W. C. Fields

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself

Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.

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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.

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