Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDSChildren should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
-
-
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS -
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS -
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS -
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS -
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS -
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS -
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS -
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS -
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS -
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS -
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS -
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS