I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDSThis job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS -
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS