I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDSThis job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS