black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

W. C. Fields

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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