black
grey
blue
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

W. C. Fields

I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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Popular Authors

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