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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

W. C. Fields

Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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