black
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

W. C. Fields

I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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