black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

W. C. Fields

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes