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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

W. C. Fields

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

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