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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.

W. C. Fields

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.

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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.

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