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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.

W. C. Fields

You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.

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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.

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