Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDSWas I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
-
-
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS -
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS -
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS -
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS -
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS -
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS -
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS -
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS -
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS -
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS -
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS