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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.

W. C. Fields

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.

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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.

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