My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDSWas I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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I drink therefore I am.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS






