If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDSA rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS -
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS -
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS -
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS -
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS -
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS -
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS -
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS -
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS -
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS -
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS -
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS






