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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

W. C. Fields

I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

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