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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

W. C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

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