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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

W. C. Fields

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

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