If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDSBeer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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I drink therefore I am.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS