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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

W. C. Fields

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

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