I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDSI didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS -
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS -
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS -
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS -
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS -
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS -
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS -
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS -
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS -
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS -
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS






