I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDSI didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS -
I must have a drink of breakfast.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS -
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS -
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS -
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS -
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS -
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS -
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS