black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

W. C. Fields

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

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