black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

W. C. Fields

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes