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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

W. C. Fields

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

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Popular Authors

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