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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

W. C. Fields

You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

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