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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

W. C. Fields

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny

It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

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