I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDSIt’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS