When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDSIt’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS -
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS -
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS -
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS