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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

W. C. Fields

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird

It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

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