Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDSNow don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS -
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS -
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS