black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

W. C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes