black
grey
blue
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white

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

W. C. Fields

Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

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Popular Authors

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