black
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

W. C. Fields

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

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Popular Authors

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