black
grey
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

W. C. Fields

You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

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