The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDSIf it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
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I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS