Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDSTry till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS -
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS -
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS -
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS -
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS -
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS -
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS -
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS -
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS