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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

W. C. Fields

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious

Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

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