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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

W. C. Fields

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself

Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

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