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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

W. C. Fields

I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself

Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

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