I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDSIf I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS