Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDSThe only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS