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1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

W. C. Fields

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More W. C. Fields Quotes

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  Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!

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• 

  Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

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• 

  I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

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• 

  The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

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  I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

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• 

  This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

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• 

  I must have a drink of breakfast.

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• 

  If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.

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• 

  The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

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• 

  Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.

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• 

  Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.

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• 

  Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.

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  FunnyHomeStartTime
• 

  Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

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• 

  I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.

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  MyselfReligious
• 

  I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

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• 

  Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.

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