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The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

W. C. Fields

Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

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The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

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