Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDSThe only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS