I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDSThe only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS -
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS