It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDSYou can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
-
-
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS -
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS -
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS -
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS -
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS -
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS -
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS -
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS -
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS -
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS -
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS