Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDSYou can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS -
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS -
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS






