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I never met a kid I liked.

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I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Alcohol Believe
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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Beautiful Experience Life
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
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Beautiful Herself Love Myself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Destroy Myself See
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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Man Money Poor Rich
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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Animal Funny Wings

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