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I never met a kid I liked.

W. C. Fields

Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine

I never met a kid I liked.

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I never met a kid I liked.

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