black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

W. C. Fields

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

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