black
grey
blue
red
brown
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

W. C. Fields

I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

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