I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDSWhen life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS