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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.

Tim Allen

I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
TIM ALLEN

Environment Man Myself Spoil
Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
TIM ALLEN

Comedy One Liner Ultimate
I have a thing for tools.
TIM ALLEN

Myself Tools
I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
TIM ALLEN

Best Choice Combination Myself System Understand
I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
TIM ALLEN

Crazy Drive Face God Myself Stare Wonder
I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
TIM ALLEN

Children Drive License Protection Requirement
I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
TIM ALLEN

Adult Age Children Myself Sadness
Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
TIM ALLEN

Creation Point Time Yourself
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
TIM ALLEN

Comedy Decision Himself Judgement Sentence Serious Stand
When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
TIM ALLEN

Meaning Opposite Smart Yourself
Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
TIM ALLEN

Appearance Brilliant Funny Head Shower Weird Woman Yourself
I do a lot of family shows.
TIM ALLEN

Family Myself Show
Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
TIM ALLEN

Independent Man Travel
I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
TIM ALLEN

Artist Life Logo Love Myself
I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
TIM ALLEN

Drive Myself Quality Sound
When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLEN

Breathe Coward Ego Hard Prison Reality Strength Yourself

My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.

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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.

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