Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
TIM ALLENMy comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
TIM ALLEN