black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.

Tim Allen

I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
TIM ALLEN

Environment Man Myself Spoil
The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
TIM ALLEN

Best Busy Children Ego
I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
TIM ALLEN

Crazy Drive Face God Myself Stare Wonder
Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
TIM ALLEN

Instruction Man Manufacturer Reality Togetherness
I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
TIM ALLEN

Children Drive License Protection Requirement
I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
TIM ALLEN

Cat Dog Man Myself Person Travel
My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
TIM ALLEN

Death Father Foundation Nature Reminder
I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLEN

Age Different Disappoint Love Myself Preference Woman
Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
TIM ALLEN

Advice Children Live Parents People
I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
TIM ALLEN

Audience Easy Hurt Myself Time
I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
TIM ALLEN

Body Character Man Myself Trap
Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Beginning Humanity Time Yourself
Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
TIM ALLEN

Drink Money Oneself Party Rich Wealth
I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
TIM ALLEN

Beginning Comedy Hard Work Hold Stand Thinking
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
TIM ALLEN

Car End Funny Relationship Woman
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
TIM ALLEN

Children Choice Marriage Prison Woman Work

My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Tim Allen Quotes