Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
TIM ALLENMy comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
TIM ALLEN