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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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Advice Bird Deep Funny Patience Worm

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Popular Authors

Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Destroy Evidence Success Try Yourself
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Inspirational Motivational Struggle Way Wrong Yourself
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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Fight Funny Gift Myself Room
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Act Attitude Head Herself Live Scare Yourself
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Forest Funny Himself Man Nature Woman Wrong
$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Mathematics People Trouble
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Literature Word Wrong
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Children Funny Hands Himself Mom
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bad Conscience Memories
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Eat Food Funny Human
All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Hands Myself Science Yourself
Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Average Level People Yourself
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Funny Herself Laughter Milk
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Book Funny Myself Writing
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Company Game Myself Thinking Wrong
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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Bed Funny Hell Home Myself Nature Night Stars Wonder

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