I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHTI almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHTRight now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHTMy nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
STEVEN WRIGHTI intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHTFive out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHTYou know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTI couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHTThe older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHTI think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHT