If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHTSupport bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHT






