I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT