I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Clones are people two.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHT