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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

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Animal Funny Herself Laughter Milk

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Fantasy Himself Stop Weapon
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Book Funny Myself Writing
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Darkness Device Myself
Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Remember Self Love Unique Worth Yourself
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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Funny Kill Learning Love Myself Time
My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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Children Friendship Himself
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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Bed Funny Hell Home Myself Nature Night Stars Wonder
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Abandonment Book Build Funny Myself Ocean Yourself
I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Addiction Difference Myself Quit
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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Coffee Myself Time
I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Death Myself Quote Right Talk Word
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Myself Police Reading See Stop Time
$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Mathematics People Trouble
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Animal Flavor Food Funny
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Company Game Myself Thinking Wrong
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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Believe Funny Himself Man Stars Touch

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