I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHTLast night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Clones are people two.
STEVEN WRIGHT