I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHTLast night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Clones are people two.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHT