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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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Bad Conscience Memories

Bagwalas

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Fall Feeling Myself Sit Time
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Buy Fame Friendship Herself Popular Toy
I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Food Funny Myself Service Time
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Appearance Different Fingers Hands
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT

Abandonment Book Build Funny Myself Ocean Yourself
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Fantasy Himself Stop Weapon
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Education Funny Myself Perfection Practice Stop Teacher
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Animal Evolution Monkey Science
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Distance Time Walk Yourself
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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Friendship Gift Myself Sex
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Flavor Food Funny
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Destroy Evidence Success Try Yourself
I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT

Angry Install Light Live Myself People
The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Children Deep Difference Growth Learning Old Philosophy See Teaching Yourself
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Act Attitude Head Herself Live Scare Yourself
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Appearance Funny Hairs Stick

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