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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Funny Goodness Myself Oneself Worth
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Angry Depression Enthusiasm One Liner Perspective Sick
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Idiot Ocean Stand Wait
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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Control Death Game Yourself
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Destroy Evidence Success Try Yourself
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Act Attitude Head Herself Live Scare Yourself
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Eyes Myself Prescription Ran Walk
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Fantasy Himself Stop Weapon
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Believe Funny Myself Police Reading See Stop Time
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Funny Literature Word
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Alcohol Myself Photograph Thinking Woman
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Call Herself Home Light Myself Phone Woman
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Experience Need Yourself
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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Death Funny Success Yourself
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Alphabet Order Song
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Deep Funny Live Nature Ocean

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