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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

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Eat Food Funny Human

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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Inspirational Motivational Struggle Way Wrong Yourself
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Company Game Myself Thinking Wrong
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Flight Leaving One Liner Yourself
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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