Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT