If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT






