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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”

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Believe Funny Myself Police Reading See Stop Time

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Inspirational Motivational Struggle Way Wrong Yourself
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Angry Depression Enthusiasm One Liner Perspective Sick
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Break Up Imagination Myself Relationship
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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