If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHTOne time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
More Steven Wright Quotes
-
-
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHT