When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT






