When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHT






