I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHT