Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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Clones are people two.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT