Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHT






