Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHT