Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
STEVEN WRIGHT