When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHTEverywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT