If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHTMy nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHT